In this episode, we're gonna be talking about Radical Responsibility and what it looks like to take ownership of full, whole, and joyful responsibility for everything that is happening in your life. You ready? Let's do it. Hello, you are listening to The Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage. Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I feel like every time I sit down to record, I have this realization that I have missed you all, and that so much has happened since the last time we chatted. So I wanted to one, say hello. Welcome back, and I have a few announcements before we dive into today's episode. First of all, if you happen to be listening to this in real time, I'm gonna be teaching a class on Wednesday, September 10th, all about How to Believe in Yourself as a Performer, because I realized that this time, 10 years ago, I was literally in the process of manifesting my Broadway debut. And being in this sort of September, back to school energy, I wanted to really dial in and call in my performers to reengage with your current goals. And to know that again, you just get to decide to believe in what you are creating at every single level. And especially now as I have been going through this process for myself and my career, and really thinking about where I'm heading for the next decade or two decades. Right? I have been reinvestigating what that looks like for me, and I wanna bring you with me in real time. So again, if you have not registered yet, go to Kelliyoungmansingh.com/believe and I'll see you there. We're gonna be meeting on Zoom, and I don't know if you're catching this sometime in the future, maybe. I have taken the time to set this up and have it be available on demand where you can watch it too. So just check back. Anyways. The thing that had me jumping out of bed to get into my office, into my chair to record this for you guys was that, well, a few things. I feel like recently I've been experiencing a new wave of Radical Responsibility. And I thought for sure, I have brought this to the podcast before and when I looked back, I have not. It is a module in one of my paid programs, but I have not actually recorded it for the podcast, so I'm so excited to sit down and do it. Because this concept, this idea, has taken me so far in my own growth and in my own self-trust, my knowledge, of knowing that I have the capacity to change anything that I want in my own life. That's part of just like the magic of life coaching, but also one of the tools that you get from working with a coach is really understanding how you have Radical Responsibility and how you can have Radical Responsibility for everything in your life. Now, I realize that this term radical. Might sound a little, for lack of better word, radical, it might sound a little extreme. And I think again, it's just like this beautiful opportunity to take full responsibility for oneself without going into over responsibility for others. I'm gonna say that again. It's a beautiful opportunity to take radical- full, whole joyful responsibility for yourself and your life without taking over responsibility for others. Okay. And there's a few reasons why this has been coming up for me, especially over the weekend and just in general with where life is in this current moment. But even like just this morning. Terry and I woke up. We were intimate. I went to do a workout when Terry was in the bathroom right before he was about to take a shower, he looked at me and kissed me, and he just said to me, wow, I guess we're still in heaven. And the thing that's so cool about this, is that it is exactly the kind of relationship I always desired to have. And after going through a little bit of what I would call a"push period" where we are both really focused on work and not that we were any less in love, but we maybe weren't as connected or plugged in because we were just really focused on certain tasks that needed to get done for deadlines and projects and commercials and video shoots. There was just a lot happening and the fact that we had this moment today, and really, I'll tell you a little bit more about the weekend and how this ties in. But the fact that we could stand and kiss each other and feel so present, so in love, so high frequency, like experiencing the reality we both have desired, where this ties back into Radical Responsibility is that I also don't have to worry or be in fear that it's gonna go away. Right, because when I am holding Radical Responsibility for the frequency of my love, for my availability, for that love, right? It's just always available. So when you step into what I call Radical Responsibility, it is this opportunity again, to be fully, wholly, joyfully responsible for what is happening in your current reality. And again, I'm gonna give you another context of this, but even just in my marriage and in my relationship, Terry and I have been together two and a half years now. It just keeps getting better. And even after going through what felt like a little bit of a"push period", I was also the one who kind of led the way. Right. We both understood and knew that, hey, like we're kind of missing some of the intimacy. It's not as deep or connected as normally we would be. Right? Like my willingness to go first and have that conversation or to bring it up or to make space for Terry to articulate his desires, his frustrations, his needs, right? Like that is again a beautiful possibility for Radical Responsibility, when you also have the tools to receive feedback without hearing it as criticism, right? When you have the opportunity to hear someone else's experience without making it something good, bad, right or wrong about either of you, right? Because that's when we create disconnection rather than connection. So again, I just want you to really hear the sentiment of when you are taking Radical Responsibility it's not saying, oh, it's on Terry. He's been really busy. He hasn't been loving, he hasn't been this. Right. When you are in Radical Responsibility, it's not about pointing fingers at others. It's saying, how am I also contributing to this dynamic? How am I contributing to this current result in my own life? And even just as I was making my mushroom coffee, taking a break from the regular coffee this morning, I was even thinking about how things with my body have shifted and just getting up and doing my seven to 10 minute workout, which I haven't done in a while by the way. But being able to just plug back into that without resistance and saying, you know what? My body has been getting so healthy, so strong. I feel so good. I feel grounded, right? Like that energy is, Radical Responsibility, right? It is that energy of like, I've been saying it to my clients recently, nobody is coming to save you. And I actually got that phrase from one of my very first coaches, her coach. He worked as one of the go-to mind coaches for the NBA and I had the privilege of attending a three day workshop in Santa Monica years ago, that changed the trajectory of a lot of my family relationships, and I've been able to pass that work on to many of my clients, which has been so freaking fun. But I remember him saying, no one is coming to save you. If you want something in your life to change, you have to realize it's on you. And not in like a shame, blame wrongness. You shouldn't be doing this kind of way because we don't want to add on The Second Layer of judgment for us to have another layer of emotions to, to navigate and sort through, right? We get to just witness like, oh, if things in my life haven't been changing, where is the Radical Responsibility that I can take for my results? And I'm even talking about me and my health and my whole journey with my body and being in a place where I really love myself and take care of myself from love, right? All of that came from seeing, like whatever I'm doing right now hasn't been working. At some point, like the judgment, the inner monologue, all of it, like that method isn't working. And if I wanna get out of this cycle of yo-yo dieting, crash dieting and you know, like working out really hard and then like burning myself out and not wanting to go to the gym. And if I am willing to investigate and take responsibility for the thinking and feeling that's creating that cycle, what is there for me to change? What is there for me to witness? What is there for me to see and learn from? Like the Radical Responsibility comes in taking ownership of the learning, taking ownership of the new decisions, right? Imagine you have been procrastinating and I remember getting coached through this, because at one point during the pandemic, I just was not moving my body. And I remember my coach asking me like, okay, well what is really required for you to get up and go out on a walk in the mornings? And I was like, oh, bleh.... like I was really in this like, it felt like heaviness. It felt like a tantrum. It felt like, ugh. I mean, I guess I just have to get up and brush my teeth, put some clothes on, and put my shoes on and walk out the door. And she was like, what if you just let it be that easy? Right? But all of the resistance comes from a lot of times our old identity, the version of ourself who doesn't like doing these things. The version of ourselves who feels that taking care of us is a burden, that we shouldn't have to. Right. And this is really what got my brain spinning on this topic again. Which was over the weekend, I woke up early and I had, I literally spent all day on Saturday in bed. Mostly sleeping, almost all day, and it was a perfect day for it. It kind of rained on and off and we just took it as a day of rest. And Sunday morning I woke up and I was kind of ready to go'cause I had rested so freaking much. I started cleaning the bathroom. For those of you who might know, prior to meeting Terry and getting married, I lived uptown in Harlem for almost a decade and I was in a super nice luxury building like washer dryer and unit for New Yorkers, you know that that is like, of the highest regard. I had a 24/7 doorman rooftop with like beautiful grills and space. Anyways, the point of it being, that apartment was pristine. And it was pristine when I moved in and I took really good care of that apartment because it was the nicest apartment I had ever been in. Right. And, come to Moving to Hell's Kitchen and moving in with my husband. We have a gorgeous, amazing three bed, two bath, well, one and a half bath apartments in New York City. Great location, rent stabilized. The thing is, it's definitely an older building and so part of me realized that I haven't been taking as much care of this apartment as I would uptown. And not in any like, good, bad, right or wrong way, but my brain is like, oh, well we're gonna do, we're gonna work on the floors. We're gonna redo the kitchen. I'll do it later. Right? Like that was kind of my unintentional thinking was like, once the apartment is even nicer, then I'll take care of it. And. I'm sure you've already picked up on that, that is ass backwards because if I'm not taking care of it now I'm prolonging my experience of having the apartment that I desire. So I was in the bathroom and when I moved in, I had painted and there was just like some little paint splatters on the floor, on the tile, you know, it just felt like I hadn't actually deep cleaned in a while. Like surface cleaned, cleaned the toilet. Yes. But like really scrubbing the floors and the back corners and all of that, I just felt like I had kind of unintentionally been thinking like, eh, I'll do it later. Like, it's not only my job. I don't have to clean, like I shouldn't have to. One day I'm gonna have a cleaner that does this for me. Like we think all the sentences that just has us avoiding the action. Right. And so I caught myself in that thinking and I was like, you know what, now is just as good a time as ever. And I got on the floor and I was scraping off some of the paint chips and the splatters, and I was like really shining up the whole floor. And like the little, I don't know what you call it, floorboard, that goes like over the doorway, like transitioning from the hallway into the tile, there's a little marble slab and I was scrubbing that thing. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is gorgeous. Like, I don't think I've cleaned this since I moved in, which is a little embarrassing, but I know I'm not the only one where we kind of are just like, oh, that is how it is. Like it's, it's just like a little beat up. Like it's fine. Right. And I've just caught myself in those moments where it's like, if I wanna have the home of my dreams, it's on me. Like cleaning is actually not a burden, and I always felt that uptown because like I had a lot of joy and love and pride for that apartment, and I kept it really nice. But even when it's like not the bright, shiny new thing, it's still our responsibility, right? To keep it up, to curate the experience you wanna have now. And so I've just been doing these little projects around my apartment, like really like deep cleaning the espresso machine, or like I said, the bathroom and I noticed how different it felt when I was taking Radical Responsibility. Right, of like, I get to do this, I get to love this apartment so much. I, we really do see this as a forever home. And one day I am gonna own a house in LA too, like we'll own a home there, but this is our New York home base. Like we are locked in. And so why wouldn't I take the responsibility of saying, yeah, this is like not sexy. No one wants to have their hand like in a toilet or the back corner of your bathroom, like getting that dust and cobwebs up, but it's like when you take so much love and pride and care, it's like this is my home. This is my home. Okay. And I want you to just check in like where are those little things that you've been putting off or telling yourself like, Ugh, I shouldn't have to do this. Or like, I don't wanna do this, or, you know, this is gonna be such a burden. This is so cumbersome. This is so much. Versus really saying like, this is my life. Every time I have the opportunity to make a change, to increase my experience of my life, even by 5%, this is creating new possibility. I really did, I debriefed Terry on this whole thing'cause it was such a breakthrough this weekend when I was like, yeah, you know, the bathroom, even if I have to go back in and deep clean it again, like I made it 10% better and next time when I deep clean again, it'll be 20% better. And it's just like this ongoing, upgraded experience that I get to have, that I get to facilitate. And I'll tell you some other ways recently that I've been taking Radical Responsibility for myself and my experience is, like I said, really prioritizing feeling love and connection with my husband. I recently had to like go to the Social Security office and um, have like my new, what's the word? Social Security card printed with my married name. I had my 2024 taxes that I had to do because I had filed an extension. So like within the last week, it felt like I just handled my shit. In a really powerful way. And again, I had made the conscious choice to say, I'll come back to this later, but who do you become when you really say, all right, great. Now is the time. Now is the time where I'm gonna take Radical Responsibility for myself, my life, and what's happening. And if there is something about it that I do not like, or that is not delicious, that is not joyful for me, what needs to happen? What needs to shift in order for me to make space and take Radical Responsibility for what I would like to happen instead? Right. Only in those moments when you bump up against the discomfort of like, oh gosh. Right. Only in those moments, if you slow down, do you have the power to make the change? Just like saying, all right, I might feel a little resistance. I might feel a little tantrum come up when I go to put my shoes on to go take that walk, but I know that once I'm going, I can fill my brain with thoughts that really align with why i'm doing what I'm doing. Right. And even if it took you an entire year to straighten out your finances right. Would you be down to do the work and feel radically responsible to change your financial situation? Would you be willing to look at, okay, the way I'm approaching dating, the way I'm thinking about dating is not producing the love of my life or the relationship that I actually want. Am I willing to slow down and course correct? Am I willing to take responsibility for what's happening versus blaming the apps, blaming the people you keep meeting, blaming your work, blaming everything that's getting in the way. Right. This concept can be applied to everything in your life and career, especially if you haven't been booking work, right? I know for myself, I can witness the places where I have been growing and expanding, and I also can take Radical Responsibility at the same time to see what else I need to do, what other adjustments I need to make to be ready for the opportunities that I'm saying I'd love to have. So that was another fun thing. I recently signed up and paid for an acting workshop that I've been on the wait list for before, and I've missed my chance to get in the room. As soon as they opened enrollment, I was like, click, enrolled. Done. It's happening, right? So Radical Responsibility, taking full, whole joyful responsibility for yourself and what is happening in your life without blaming others, without shaming yourself, and without thinking that things can't change.'Cause it's always in your power and in your control. All right, that's what I got for you this week. If you are looking for support in taking Radical Responsibility, I wanna invite you to get into one of my rooms, whether it's Private coaching, whether it's getting on the wait list for Anything and Everything, whether it's joining us in Momentum today. This work, even for myself, this result was not created by myself, for myself, right? Like I really had so many coaches along the way that supported me in making these changes. And again, while you can do it on your own to some degree, it goes so much faster when you actually have someone showing you your blind spots and holding space for you, and the discomfort of making new choices. Believe me, I did not get here on my own. And if you're looking for support, I'd love to be the person that guides you into Radical Responsibility for you, so that you have the skillset to know that you can change anything in your life from now until forever. All right. I love you. I'll meet you back here for another episode. Hey, I wanna invite you to get started.'cause if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum. You get lifetime access to The Performers Plan, coaching, community, and more. And I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to kelliyoungmansingh.com/momentum to join us now.