In this episode, we're going back in time and I'm sharing this from the vault recorded in February of 2025, we're gonna talk about Prioritizing versus Deprioritizing, so you can bring what you want back to the forefront today. You ready? Let's do it.

  Hello. You are listening to Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life. Both on and off the stage. 

Hello and welcome back to episode 96 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I am feeling extra podcasty right now.  I just finished editing episode 94 and have that uploaded for you guys. And  I've just been inspired to get back on the horse a little bit. I feel like, you know, I started out the New Year really fired up and excited about new things that were happening. And I feel like I've shared this along the way, but I've had like illness and things come up where the New Year did not feel like super shiny for me  and like maybe this is TMI, but I had a UTI. I had random, like this weekend just had an allergy instance where I went to the ER for a couple of hours. Had a rash all over my body, like really interesting physical symptoms have been coming up. And anytime my body is trying to show me things, I always lean in and get super curious. And I really love taking the time to slow down, which is part of why I haven't really been being super strict with projects that are, I was going to say air quote optional, but you know, I think so often when we're really high achievers, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to stick to deadlines and timelines and have commitments. And while I'm all for that, I think there's also seasons where you just get to have your own back. 

I'm like holding two truths at once, because I want to talk about the energy of not deprioritizing things. But in the spirit of this conversation, what's coming up is I actually was coaching a client this week on this very thing. And we were talking about when we have been high achievers our entire lives, where we've trained, we've gone to classes, we've had lots of projects and different deadlines, all of the things, right. When we've had to be so diligent with our time and, you know, dancing, singing, acting, training on top of everything else we're doing, sometimes we can be a little bit rigid in how we treat ourselves and the goals, the things we want to do, start becoming more rules, that start feeling like extra pressure.  

And so if you're like me and my client who was being coached on this this week, we were really exploring what does it look like to implement self trust, to really know like, I always get my shit done.  I can just be decisive about what I want to do without adding on the extra layer of pressure and guilt and shame and wrongness, right?  And on the other side of that, when you really do trust yourself and you can hold yourself to commitments, there's like this beautiful balance where it's not all or nothing.

It's not, I either get shit done and I feel productive and I'm like, we were talking about like this energy of like cracked out, hyper focused, like in the zone. And again, I get into that place too. And sometimes you let yourself flow with that energy. And other times it's also trusting and knowing that in order to reach goals, deadlines,  things that you want to accomplish, you also can do that same action with a different energy while letting it be easy.

So,  this is where like not all coaching is one size fits all, you know what best resonates for you in this moment and what side of the spectrum you're on, right? I was coaching another client and we were talking about auditions and  again, going from this space of needing to ramp up commitment and ramp up the willingness to do the hard thing, right? That energy is going to be a very different entry point than someone who's over actioning and over efforting, right? So you always want to be listening to these podcasts and listening for what best serves you in this moment and asking yourself, Where is my biggest growth? Is my biggest growth in committing and actually doing the thing, even when I'm uncomfortable? Or is my current growth to not feel like everything is life and death when I am setting a deadline, when I'm wanting to reach a goal, right?

Because if you have accomplished things in the past, through utilizing pressure and deadlines and lots of parameters,  it's not good, bad, right, or wrong, but that's just the way you've done it before, which is why your brain is going back to do it that way again. And if you want to have a new experience, if you want to trust yourself to follow through, to get things done, and know that your work really can be unconditional, you don't have to be dependent on circumstance or vibes or energy to get what you want done, accomplished.  And that's just like,  again, a slightly different nuanced approach depending on where you are currently at, which is why I always encourage you to join us if you have not already, join us inside of Momentum, because you will have the opportunity to get coached on exactly what is right for you, so that you're not wondering, what should I be working on? 

Anyways,  the point of this episode today, interestingly enough, is I wanted to talk about the energy of unintentionally deprioritizing things. And it's been really fascinating because over the past few weeks, part of what's been  a little bit draining and challenging and distracting for me in my own mind, is that Terry and I are planning our wedding and it's coming up. We are getting married in April and there's a lot of reasons why this happened this specific way and  I feel like that's a whole entire other episode about navigating trusting your decisions, while also honoring having difficult conversations, and family things. All of the dynamics that have played into, as you can imagine, planning a wedding. 

Now,  something that I think I'm really good at and has been reflected back to me by friends and family is that I'm very decisive. That I tend to make decisions quickly, right? I went to a dress appointment in January and I knew that I loved the dress. And even though I was like pretty sure it was a Fuck Yes, it was a little bit outside of the budget I had decided to spend. And  for me,  I'm sure many of you already know where I stand with this, but I never want to make decisions based on money. Meaning, if I genuinely love something, there's no actual limit to what I am willing to let myself have, right? It's like if this dress is an absolute Fuck Yes, I'm gonna let myself have it.  And, let me see, let me be willing and be curious to find, if I can get the energy and essence of what I want at the price point I really want. Honestly, I feel like that's a whole episode on its own, but I will come back to that.  

In the spirit of decisiveness, I have been making decisions one by one about like, yep, this is it, or yep, this is not quite it, but I'm getting closer. Yes, this is what I want. Being really on top of setting goals and achieving them. And when I mean goals, I mean objectives, right? Like even when I was home for the holidays over Christmas and New Year's, it was sort of like, all right, well, when's the wedding? Have you guys set a date? And you know, I remember just being like, okay, by January 1st, we're going to pick a day. So we did.  

And I took the time to be really thoughtful and mindful about the dates  and to even look into some numerology and to pick a date that felt aligned, right? And then the next objective was like, okay, I have my dress appointment. That's happening. Okay, great We're gonna next pick the venue. Great. Like one by one by one, just knowing exactly what I liked or didn't liked, but being willing to put things on the calendar and make the decision. 

And where this comes into play, it's been really interesting because Terry and I have not necessarily been approaching this process in the same way. We don't necessarily approach a lot of things in life the same way. And that is, like, totally normal and totally okay.  But, what I've noticed in, I don't know if I've talked about this on a podcast episode yet, or maybe I've just mentioned it in coaching calls, but it's been really interesting in the little ways that decisions come up or things that need to be done, we sometimes unintentionally offload them, right? Because we want to clear our mental cache in the now. 

So for example,  when I had  gotten Terry's mom a sweater for Christmas. It was the wrong size. And It kind of fell to the wayside a little bit of like, okay. Yeah, I've got to go return that sweater, right? We all have those little kind of chores or tasks that come up and it's really easy to say like, Oh, that's not a priority. And so there was a couple times where this sort of idea of like, "Okay that's not a priority today" came up and I noticed that it started bothering me, because I don't like to let things like that build up. That's kind of how I  stay on top of the things that I need to address by just simply addressing them in the moment that they need addressing. It's like if you got your mail out of the mailbox and you would just put it in a pile without actually sorting it in that moment, right? 

So  I noticed that there was a day where I was like, no, I've decided I'm returning  Terry's mother's sweater, my future mother in law. I'm returning this sweater today and that's that. I'm gonna go get it done. And  I remember the day that I was doing this. It was a little bit tight with timing but I was like, no, it's fine. I've committed to doing it. I'm gonna go right now. I'll run over. I'll come back. And even in the midst of that, let me not get too all over the place, but I remember sharing on my Instagram stories that I actually even had a conversation with Nesha Terry's mother,  about our decision to set the date and Save the Date, and she was a little upset that I hadn't communicated that in person. So anyways, long story short, I ended up returning the sweater, having a very simple but  clearing conversation, and making it back and  getting on my coaching calls and being where I needed to be.  

Anyways, the point being that if we are constantly deprioritizing,  whether it's doing a task, having a conversation, because I could have put off, air quote, put off speaking to my future mother in law about her discomfort or I could just address it  as it was present. And that's always my MO,  mostly because of the work that I've done as a coach. Because I know that even though it might feel temporarily like I've cleared my cache by saying, I'll deal with that later.  Really, I'm just building up a pile of mental load. 

Okay. So you want to just be aware of where you find yourself subtly saying, I'll do that later. Or it's not a priority or I'll get to that later. Like our brains are designed for ease and we're not always going to want to face the discomfort of making a decision. And believe me,  as we're planning a wedding in a limited amount of time, air quote limited, meaning we didn't give ourselves a year to plan and honestly, I didn't want to do that. I was like, you know what? Wedding planning can be simple and easy. We're getting married in New York. We're treating it like a dinner party and it's going to be wonderful.

So for me, it's just having the clarity of knowing these are the things that need to be decided. We need to look at a venue. We need to talk about catering and what we want to have to eat on this special day. And there's all these fun decisions that get to be made along the way,  right? But  if one thing is not being decided or we're continuing to put things off until later because it feels better in the now to avoid the discomfort of having the conversation,  again, that mental load is just going to keep building up. And so that's really one of the things that personally I've been navigating over the last, you know, two months as we are making a lot of decisions in a condensed period of time.

Now, like I said, I am perfectly comfortable with doing it. And  when it comes to making these decisions with someone else, that's a whole other experience, right?  That is where, again, if you're willing to sit in the discomfort, if you're willing to have the conversation, which is always, ever a Layered Learning opportunity, period, point blank, the end, right, like all of the little disagreements or tiffs or discomfort that Terry and I have been having about the food or the catering or the price of the catering, right, no matter what it is, it's giving us this beautiful opportunity to practice communicating our needs, our desires, our expectations, our agreements. And every time we bump up against that experience, we're actually growing and learning, right?  

And so, all of that to say,  in the essence of  prioritizing things, of actually getting things accomplished, of having clear objectives, you want to just decide. You want to just decide that it's a priority. And even recently I've been re prioritizing making money. And we've been talking about this a lot in the Anything and Everything Mastermind about what it means to actually prioritize making money. Because again, if we're focused on the comfort, the ease, the flow of all these other things, again, it's not good, bad, right, or wrong, but even as I've been planning, prioritizing all of the decisions for the wedding, it's been interesting and not a problem to watch my income dip, only because I haven't actively made it a priority.

Okay, so  the whole point of this episode is priority.  What are you currently prioritizing,  consciously, unconsciously? And what are you currently deprioritizing, consciously or unconsciously? And really this is all for your evaluation to just check in  and to start practicing, Why are you opting out  of prioritizing the thing? Is it because there's discomfort? Is it because you're avoiding making a decision? Is it because you like don't want to take the time and effort to do the research that's required to make a decision? The more specific you get, the more data you have, the more you're going to be able to one practice the skill of getting things done and accomplished when you want, and going back to what I was talking about at the beginning of this episode, inviting in ease to that process. Because then you really can be  as decisive as you want all of the time. All right, that's what I got for you this week. I'll meet you back here next week for another episode. Bye. 

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum. You get lifetime access to The Performers Plan, coaching, community and more, and I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum to join us now.  

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